Japanese gaijin dating
When I first came, I felt no guys found me attractive since they never looked my way.
Chiara: I heard too that Japanese men weren’t so interested in foreign women but my experience is kind of the opposite.
If a foreigner guy’s language doesn’t progress with the relationship, he’ll have to rely on her progressively for understanding all sorts of issues: visas, taxes, healthcare, education, your haircut, ordering your food, her holding his hand to cross the street… Of Japanese women who get married, 1.3% marry a foreigner (source).
Combine this with the other details on this list, and the recipe for public judgment causes many Japanese girls to steer clear.
Add a lack of a common tongue into the mix, and foreigner’s chance of wooing a girl’s affection can get a bit complicated.
Finding love in the modern age is a tricky business for us ladies; there’s attractive profiles to create, emoticons to choose and the general deciphering of Tinder captions – ‘I feel how pizza tastes’… Throw in some culture shock, the language barrier and a completely different set of rules and you have something like dating in Japan.
I did find Japanese guys very attractive, but they would never approach me, being notoriously shy around foreign women.
However, be warned: If you want to read about bragging stories of all those Western guys who get laid a hundred times per day, then you came to the wrong place. You certainly won’t find that here – and not from a foreign girl like me!
And at the same time there’s only a very tiny number of foreign (read: non-Asian) women with Japanese men next to them. Maybe that’s a secret we’ll never quite get, but there are many theories!
I could sometimes detect a flicker of interest, at most, before they ran away. From what I gathered from my Japanese girlfriends, it seemed to involve a lot of passiveness, indirect communication, text messaging, misunderstandings and patience.
After wasting months subtly pursuing a guy at work only to discover he had a girlfriend, I quit the Japanese way – and bento making, also described by my friends as a boyfriend magnet in Japan.
In the name of research, Gaijin Pot got together three different women (UK, USA and Italy) to share their experiences of dating in Japan. Chiara: I thought that they didn’t find me attractive so I wasn’t really interested in Japanese guys, even though I was attracted to them.